Compassionate Care: Compassion for Others
Compassion for Others
“Compassion for others involves care toward others’ suffering with a desire to support, a sense of connectedness in the face of human suffering, and “balanced awareness” of others’ suffering (Pommier et al., 2020, as cited in Amari et al., 2023). One study by Snyder and Luchner (2020) mentions that compassion for others helps in “establishing intimate, stable, mutually beneficial relationships with others”.
It is possible to be both empathetic and honest with others. Ephesians 4:15 encourages us to “speak the truth in love”. When you do this, it shows that you both care for that person and that you believe that they are capable of more. Often, people are stronger in one area than the other. They may be more naturally empathetic and nurturing, or they may be more comfortable being honest and direct. Yet, healing and growth often happen when we can receive both empathy and honesty from the people around us. I want to show you some tips on how to be both loving and truthful with the people in your life.
Start with empathy and genuine curiosity. You may have heard the saying, “Nobody cares about how much you know, until they know how much you care.” You probably know what it feels like to experience sadness, disappointment, anxiety or frustration. We all as human beings experience these emotions at one point or another in our lives. Maybe you experienced a life situation that was beyond your control, and you felt the emotional weight of that or maybe you made a choice yourself that resulted in feeling pain.
Have you ever stopped to consider that the people in your life are experiencing similar emotions and challenges just as you are? Life circumstances will vary, and one person’s struggle may look different from another’s. One person might be experiencing the loss of a loved one, while another person may be struggling with low self-worth, and someone else may be struggling with life adjustments and having a hard time finding their footing. Regardless of the situation, we all have commonality in knowing what it’s like to feel pain and suffering.
Pause for a moment and put yourself in someone else’s shoes. Stop to consider what they might be feeling, thinking or experiencing. How might they be impacted by what they are going through in their life? Try your best to approach them with curiosity and kindness rather than through a lens of criticism or a desire to fix them, their emotions, or their situation. Compassion for others involves extending kindness towards people without judging them. Recognize that just as you go through difficult life experiences, so do others.
Having compassion for others can become more challenging when you recognize that people cope with difficult emotions and life experiences in different ways. The person next to you might cope very differently than you do. Some people may cope through a lack of boundaries or unhealthy levels of people-pleasing, while others micromanage, isolate, engage in addictive patterns, or turn to other forms of self-sabotage.
Try to keep in mind that regardless of how someone copes through their actions and behaviors, they are often attempting to manage their emotions and life challenges in the ways that feel available to them in that moment. Before jumping into “fix it” mode, even out of a genuine desire to care for and support that person, take a moment to pause, notice, get curious, and kindly ask questions about what the other person is feeling and experiencing.
You might use your words to communicate that you see what they are feeling and going through and, most importantly, that you care. Often people want others to sit with them, listen and seek to understand what they are experiencing. Give them the gift of your presence. Listen to what they are saying and let them know that they matter to you.
The next step is honesty and holding up a mirror so that someone can more clearly see themselves. Compassion for others should not be confused with enabling someone or colluding with their unhealthy behaviors and patterns. It is important to clarify that I am not referring here to gray areas where people can respectfully disagree and hold different perspectives. Rather, I am referring to patterns and behaviors that are broadly recognized as unhealthy, harmful or self-destructive. Being both honest and kind communicates that you care about the person while also believing that they are capable of growth and change.
Enabling can sound like “Everything you’re doing is fine, don’t worry about it” even when someone’s choices are causing harm. While this response may feel supportive in the moment, it does not necessarily help someone recognize changes that could greatly benefit them. If you notice that someone is coping in unhealthy ways, or if they seem truly stuck and could benefit from additional support, you might ask whether they would like help brainstorming or problem-solving.
It is often best to ask for permission for this before offering advice. If someone is not ready to receive support in that way, they may shut down or begin to push you away. You can let them know that you respect that they are not ready to brainstorm solutions and that you are available if they ever change their mind. Remember that the only person that ultimately holds the ability to make changes is the other person, not you. It is our God-given right to have autonomy, make our own choices, and take responsibility for the direction of our lives.
There are times, however, when it may be helpful to lean into being more direct in sharing your honest perspective, especially depending on the type of relationship you have with that person. For instance, if someone is resistant to receiving support but appears to be in a crisis, you might share that you have concerns about what you are seeing and that you are expressing those concerns because you deeply care about them.
You might encourage them to see a counselor or take a first step toward supporting themselves in healthy, adaptive ways as they navigate what they are going through. You might gently point out that some of their current patterns seem to be hurting them more than helping them. Again, try to communicate this in a way that is honest while remaining empathetic.
Often, we need the support of other people to help guide us through life’s challenges. This is where counseling, healthy community, family, and friends can come alongside us and offer a helping hand along the way. It is not your job to be someone else’s therapist or to have all the right answers. Sometimes healing comes simply through being in relationship with people who can offer care, kindness, support and honesty throughout this journey of life.
We all long for that, to be seen, known, understood, and loved. It is at the core of who we are. And just as we want to receive the gift of compassion from others, we can also choose to extend that gift to the people around us.
I encourage you to take a moment and reflect on yourself. Which of these strengths come more naturally to you? In which area might you have room to grow? Consider one or two action steps you can begin taking today to strengthen your relationships and foster greater feelings of safety, trust, and connection with others.
You will not always receive compassion from others, but the world becomes a better place when more of us can learn to practice compassion both toward ourselves and toward the people around us.
References
Amari, N., Martin, T., Mahoney, A., Peacock, S., Stewart, J., & Alford, E. A. (2023). Exploring the relationship between compassion and attachment in individuals with mental health difficulties: A systematic review. Journal of Contemporary Psychotherapy, 53(3), 245-256.
Snyder, K. S., & Luchner, A. F. (2020). The importance of flexible relational boundaries: The role of connectedness in self-compassion and compassion for others. Psi Chi Journal of Psychological Research, 25(4), 349-356.